-itis eatus

1. Me & You & Her (music: Craig / lyrics: Mark, Craig)

something's missing in our life, I want you for my wife, I love you, too

still I can't help but think twice, though one on one is nice, it just won't do

throw away your dad's morality, your mom's conventionality, it's not for me

if it were me & you and you & her and her & me, we'd be so happy together

she could help you cook & clean and she'd know just what you mean, someone who listens

and as I snore away the night, she could always hold you tight, it's what we're missin'

because me & you and you & her and her & me, we'll be so happy together

nothing's missing in our lives, I've got you for my wives... I love you two

2. So Much Better (music: Craig, lyrics & melody: Mark, Craig)

today, I saw you on the way, I was late, you were in the store,

and it felt for a minute, though I was there in it, I'd been in that minute before

not true, but she looked a lot like you from the back, I was too far away

and I would have said "hi," but it's so hard to lie and not tell you what I have to say

I'm so much better without you, I'm so much better since I've been on my own,

I'm so much better without you...alone

back then, my pace was at a 10, trying to keep everything in it's place,

and although I did try, there was no way that I could keep from falling on my face

these days, I'm always on my way, every week there's a new place I've found,

and though it's not all your fault, I'm left with one sure thought...I'm so happy you're not around

all's I'm tryin' to say, I'm glad you've gone away and now today there's nothing left to worry about

since you've been gone, it's much easier to get along, and nothing seems wrong and nothing seems in doubt

time has been kind, a smile still reminds of fun times, the kind I never had with you

that's why we never speak, cuz it's obvious you're really weak and you'd freak, I'm glad we're through ---

3. Doop (music: Craig / lyrics: Craig, Mark)

hello, how've you been? It's been about a week or two & I guess I'm kinda sorry

it wasn't meant to hurt, I was only trying to have some fun, but I guess you didn't like it

so give me one more chance, it'll never ever happen again, I guess it won't happen,

but sometimes you need a little more to take the bore away

well, it was there, and I was too, and there was nothing left undone to do, so I had to...Doop

now I'm surprised to hear that you never want to see me again, cuz I think you kinda liked it

so just push past your fear, and we can try it all over again, and we'll try until you like it,

cuz once you get past the pain, you'll feel the love is real

well, it was there, and I was too, and there was nothing left undone to do, so I had to...Doop

4. Hey Stoner! (music: Craig / lyrics: Mark, Craig, Mike)

I'd never buy it though I heard it's for sale, one time I tried it but I didn't really inhale,

once in a blue moon, if the mood is just right, special occasions, like when the day turns into night

Hey Stoner! smokin' a doob,

Hey Stoner! watchin' the tube,

Hey Stoner! eatin' my food,

Hey Stoner! callin' me dude

I only smoke it late at night when I'm stressed, just on the rough days when I feel a little anxious,

sometimes on weekends if my friends are in town, you see, I don't smoke that much, especially when it's not around

Hey Stoner! watchin' cartoons,

Hey Stoner! suckin' balloons,

Hey Stoner! what'd you forget?

Hey Stoner! alright, gimme a hit

I'm not a stoner, I just like to get high, ain't like it ever takes control of my life,

I'm not a stoner, I just like to feel good, cuz being straight don't feel as good as it should

why is everybody on my case? why don't you get the hell outta my face,

givin' me shit, just leave me alone, you're freaking me out, now I NEED to get stoned,

I can't keep a thought straight, why am I always running late? now I can't even remember what it was, I forgot to say...

Hey Stoner! lost in your head,

Hey Stoner! eyes always red,

Hey Stoner! hiding your pain,

Hey Stoner! this is your brain...

5. Geek (music & lyrics: Craig)

everybody likes you, everybody wants to be like you and I tried to be, but I guess I ain't got that thing

I tried to be the nice guy, I'd paint a smile on my face all the time, but I know I'm a geek, and I cry

because nobody wants to be with me

my computer likes me, my computer keeps me company, and it talks to me, and tells me everything is alright

I wish I had a place to be where people didn't laugh at me, but I know I'm a geek, and I cry

because nobody wants to be with me

yeah, I'm a geek, I'm a big fuckin' geek, I'm a geek and I know it

I can't be like you, wish I could be like you, but I can't, I'm a geek and I know it...

because nobody, not even me, wants to be with me

6. Without You With Me (music & lyrics: Craig)

I know you're not gonna like what I'm about to say,

but someone else has started being you since you've been away

you can say "I love you" on the phone,

but, how am I supposed to love you when you're never home

without you with me, I don't wanna be, cuz me is all I'll be, without you with me

I know I never really said exactly how I feel,

I thought if I just let it slip away, you wouldn't even miss me

now suddenly you're everything for me,

but suddenly your everything isn't what I need

without you with me, I don't wanna be, cuz me is all I'll be, without you with me

as much for me for you, and you will see it's true...in time

7. I Can't Take It (music & lyrics: Craig)

please say it isn't true, did I waste my love on you,

you say you can't stay, well I can't take it

if that's that way it goes, that really fuckin' blows,

that you can't stay, and I can't take it

8. Get So High (music: Craig / lyrics: Mark, Craig)

been a long time, stuck in my mind, give me something to bind my feelings behind just to try & get by

such a big weight, stuck with my fate, all the things that I hate, are things I create, so I wanna get high

if you'd been dealt my hand, maybe youÕd understand,

what it's like to be like me, and you'd want to be set free

I want to get so high

lyin' in bed, stuck in my head, and the life that I dread makes me wish I were dead, but I don't know why

gotta escape my soul has been raped, and I can't relate to the world as it's shaped, so I gotta get high

9. Me Is All I Know How To Do (music: Craig / melody: Mark, Craig / lyrics: Mark, Craig)

you look through me carefully, as if a mold were cast,

if you focused in you'd see your image of me would be past

I could be there with you, but not there for you, it's true, cuz me is all I know how to do

although I'm with you, I'm not one of two, it's true, cuz me is all I know how to do

washed in fear, your gaze it looms, the air the silence breaks,

bathed in sweat, my maze consumes me, very anxious you it makes

everything you want me for comes from a spirit free,

and though you may from me want more, none of that lives in me

10.  Fire & Rain

11. I Turn Me On (music: Craig /melody: Mark / lyrics: Mark, Mike)

I can't remember when a love turned out right,

I always sent her my heart every night,

but it never turns out as good as my dreams,

no, it always burns out, and tears at the seams

I know I'm someone no one else truly loves,

and so I'm free to be the me I dream of

I turn me on, in a way nobody can, I turn me on, and it only takes a hand to do it,

I take one look at me and soon my will is gone, is it so wrong, I turn me on

I saw that light shine in my eye long ago,

and every night mine are the eyes that I know,

and when the day breaks and I wake with my friend,

I feel my hand shake and I take me again

there's no one else I see or I should love more,

I'm all the self & me that I could adore

I turn me on, in a way nobody can, I turn me on, and it only takes a hand to do it,

I take one look at me and soon my will is gone, is it so wrong, I turn me on

I know that I'm the one I've waited for so long,

and so my search is done, with me I belong, for me I sing this song...

12. Follow the Leader (music: Craig / lyrics & melody: Mark)

I'm not shut into the darkness, another night will bring me sleep,

I don't want me to depart this, life for me it's not too deep

I sleep late, I'm stoned all day, I'm tearing it up every night, now it's time to get laid,

I don't care, don't worry, don't want, don't stress, livin' it large, lovin' the big-time, and my life ain't a mess

but why am I so angry? I've got no wrath, I've got no pain

I have no painful sentence, no doinÕ time inside my head,

I have no sworn repentence, I'd rather be alive than dead

I cut like a knife, 'cause I got the life, I'm so free to be me with no struggle or strife,

it's ok everyday when your paid to just play, climbin' the ranks from my angst, the American way

why am I so angry? I've got no wrath, I've got no pain,

but why am I so angry?, cuz if I laugh, the dough don't rain

I'm faking, I'm taking

13. If I Only Had A Dame (lyrics: Craig)

I'd be bonin' every minute, my penis always in it, screamin' out her name

I'd be suckin' on her tit, while I'm rubbin' down her clit, if I only had a dame

I would whip her with a lasso, lick her little asshole, makin' sure she came

I'd be playin' with her boobs, while I'm shaving off her pubes, if I only had a dame

now, I could tell you why my dick would be so red

cuz for hours & hours she would give me head, and then I'd come & come again

I would lick her little twat, hit the g-spot, make her go insane

I'd be always penetratin' even when she's menstruatin' if I only had a dame

she's got a little extra weight and her teeth are outta place,

kinda dresses like my mother back in 1968,

she's got itty-bitty titties and a big fat ass,

but the real ugly chics get me real hard fast

I know she's ugly, but she turns me on...YEAH!

she's got a bush like an oven cuz it bakes alot of bread,

but she lets me take my cock and whack it on her head,

people say it's kinda sick, but it's so much smarter,

cuz the real ugly chics always try real harder

I know she's ugly, but she turns me on...YEAH!

ugly's just a state of mind,

cuz you don't see her face when you're fucking her from behind

15. Smok 2 Joints

16. Rap Wit a "C" (music: Ted Nugent, Craig / lyrics: Craig, Mark, Mike, Pete)

(Pick-Pocket Polo says:)

I know I'm not alone when it comes to rockin' a microphone,

I like the different ways they play it and the different ways they see and say it,

it's no story, I hit the Girth with Suppercore, we and Dogman will never bore thee,

but there's this little pimp-ass whore, he needs to quit because his shit is every bit as tired times twice,

he's worse than Vanilla Ice, he can't be artistic so he's overly simplistic

big up to the Bullgod, understand? the musical meat substitute known as Spam,

he da F-U-C to da K-H-E to da A-D-P to da I-M-P,

c'mon bitch, step to this, you'll be remiss, it's little punks like you on which I piss,

can't you see to me you will always be Rap With a "C" (...R - A - P!!!)

(Cryin' Craig says:)

rippin' off Nugent, suckin' down beer, I bust the stupidest rhymes you'll ever hear,

like Stevie Y., I gotta lotta class, but I'll bone yer bitch while I kick you ass,

I be keepin' it real...ya know what I mean? I got an old Rockman & a drum machine,

(ya can't play guitar, and you ain't no singa, you're just a puny-ass white boy ackin' like a nigga)

why you be talkin' dat shit to me? you know I'm down wit da homies, I grew up in a posse,

I smoke weed, I smoke da rock, see I'm just like you, I just don't suck cock,

A-B-C-D-E-F-G to the H-(I)-J-(K)-L-M-N-O-P,

fuck this (fuck that), fuck you "G", Rap With a "C" (...R - A - P!!!)

(White Mike says:)

yo! mutha-fucka, quit calling me G, ya ain't from my crib so don't be dissin me,

I'll bust a cap in ya ass while ya sittin on ya stoop, then my johnson's goin' up your bitch's poop shoot,

before I do I take the trash out back, then I go around the corner and fire up the crack,

word up, think you know my pain? shit, you don't know da half of it (know whut I'm sayin'?)

they call me White Mike, Mike White's my name, ax me again and I'll tell ya the same,

I'm the shit and the bomb, but can't pay da rent, so gimme me a dollar or gimme 50 cent,

you's a punk ass nigga, I'm the man, I run the westside hood like super-fuckin-man,

from the P to the O to the O to the P, Rap With a "C" (...R - A - P!!!)

17. Hopelessly Devoted To You

18. I Love To Pick My Nose (music & lyrics: Craig)

I love to pick my nose, I pick my nose,

I'm not the kind who blows, I pick my nose,

I let it dry a little bit, so it sticks to my fingertip,

cuz I love to pick my nose, I pick my nose

right after the show, I pick my nose,

driving down the road, I pick my nose,

though I see you watching me, I don't care because

I really love to pick my nose, I pick my nose

anytime is pickin' time for me, I love to clean my nasal cavity,

but most of all my favorite time to pick is when, well, I shouldn't say, it's really kinda sick, you see...

I love to pick my nose, I pick my nose,

now everybody knows I pick my nose,

and if there's nothing stuck up there, I'll just pick my nostril hair,

cuz I love to pick my nose, I pick my nose

19. Be Like Joe (music: Mark / lyrics: Mark, Mike)

hey, yo, we're going down to Joe's, we're gonna have a drink and maybe see a show,

well, you ask me why I say "I don't know why they can't all be like Joe"

such a long road and such a long day, such a life of late,

many wrong roads and many wrongs ways, so many nights I wish I could escape,

time fades as I turn each bend, names I remembered when,

but it feels so sweet to feel the heat cuz I know it's coming again

anywhere you're at that seems so bleak, Joe's been there before

even if you're on a losing streak, he can help you go and settle the score

to the karma that brought me here, I must surely thank it

and if I had a real nice rear, I would let Joe spank it

20. Bergasm  (all instrumentation by Berg himself)

21. yes, track 21 is for real...you cannot make that kinda stuff up.