-itis...Tastes Like Chicken!
'96
-itis...Tastes Like Chicken!
'96
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1. The Appetizer
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2. GRUNGE TONIGHT (music & lyrics: Craig)
I've got a problem with the world, I've got a problem with you
It's my new attitude, my new way of life, it's real easy, here's what you do
Act pissed off, look like shit, Be Grunge Tonight!
Wear a flannel shirt, wear it like a skirt, & Be Grunge Tonight!
I'm gonna move to Seattle & be a junkie now
I'm gonna wear my winter hat in the middle of June
I buy my clothes at the thrift store, & pack my hair with dirt
Now I'll be on MTV real soon
If I act pissed off, & I look like shit, I'll Be Grunge Tonight!
Wear a goutee, tune to D, be Grunge Tonight!
Act pissed off, look like shit, Be Grunge Tonight!
Hate myself! KILL MYSELF!
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3. STONER GIRL (lyrics: Mark / music: Mike, Craig)
I've crossed the sea to "Gay Paris" where fashion is the sense
Thru Mexico where time goes slow, & things cost but few cents
In London Town where they wear frowns, and noses touch the sky
The U.S.A. I'm sad to say where it's what you can buy
I've had my fill of gimme girls who stress about their hair
High-maintenance chics with make-up thick & matching underwear
I need a Stoner Girl without a care, with faded Levi's & a braid in her hair
I need a Stoner Girl, a hippie chic, with less attitude & a whole lotta wit
I've seen the gams in Amsterdam, thru windows with red lights
Thru Dusseldorf where on the Wharf, they drink beer thru the night
My Switzerland where I made friends, but nothing more than that
In Italy they drink coffee and all where funny hats
I've had my fill of gimme girls who stress about their hair
High-maintenance chics with make-up thick & matching underwear
I need a Stoner Girl without a care, with faded Levi's & a braid in her hair
I need a Stoner Girl, a hippie chic, with less attitude & a whole lotta wit
I need a Stoner Girl, to ease my pain, a soft touch for my body, a big puff for my brain
I need a Stoner Girl, it's plain to see, with the world in her eyes & a sparkle for me
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4. IN GOD WE TRUST (lyrics: Mark / music: Craig)
God is my shield behind I hide, the louder I preach the more I lie
I use His words to cover my actions & blame my faults on your reactions
His grace & will I claim as mine I'd go to war if deemed devine
I'll spoil no child, I'll spare no rod, I'll strike you dead in the name of God!
Question everything! I'm supposed to follow you?
Question everything! Why don't you follow me?
Question everything! I'm supposed to pay the dues?
Question everything! I'm not a fuckin' sheep... QUESTION EVERYTHING!
I fear not you have one too, yours must be false for mine be true
If you defy I'll strike with shame & crucify you in His name
His book you say wrote by His hand, some words His, yes, all changed by man
& if His words could be perceived so could the Beast, so masked, impede
Question everything! I'm supposed to follow you?
Question everything! Why don't you follow me?
Question everything! Shut up & pay the dues?
Question everything! Yea, as I walk through the valley of the shadow of life,
I am pensive...QUESTION EVERYTHING!
Fear for me not as one lost soul, I embrace love and not control
Instead of filling shrines with wealth, I'd rather just think for myself
My God has given me a gift, an inner voice to cause a rift
Between myself & those who lust to be ordained IN GOD WE TRUST!!!
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5. DEAR JOHN (lyrics: Mark / music: Mike, Craig)
Dear John, it's been awhile since you've been gone
Hope time's been kind, and given you peace of mind
Dear John, I'm still here, and every year
It gets much harder trying to seek what I must find
Should I have gone with you, my friend? And if I had...
Tell me who then would ask the questions others choose to leave behind
Dear John, I sure could use your inspiration
To cut through the complications of the day
Your voice was so much louder than the ones who were much prouder
Even though they had less to say, I wish that you could break the silence that he
Sentenced you with violence, even though your dream was love will save the day
It's not the destination but the journey that I fear
All the pain & desparation ringing louder every year
And the harder that I try, the more my self gets in the way
Dear John, it's getting tougher every day
Dear John, in closing I would like to tell you
That the system here that fell you is still growing and now way out of control
All the love has turned to hate, All the hope has turned to fate
And happiness has no place to go
I guess what I've been trying to say is that you're...
...better off this way, take care, goodbye, but know I miss you so
It's not the destination but the journey that I fear
All the pain & desparation ringing louder every year
And the harder that I try, the more my self gets in the way
Dear John, it's getting tougher every day
Gone in the blink of an eye...why?
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6. I KNOW SHE'S UGLY but she turns me on
(lyrics: Mike, Craig / music: Craig, Mike)
(lead vocals: Mike)
She's got a little extra weight & her teeth are outta place
Kinda dresses like my mother back in 1968
She got itty bitty titties and a big fat ass
But the real ugly girls get me real hard fast
I KNOW SHE'S UGLY BUT SHE TURNS ME ON, YEAH!
I KNOW SHE'S UGLY BUT SHE TURNS ME ON, YEAH!
I KNOW SHE'S UGLY BUT SHE TURNS ME ON, YEAH!
I KNOW SHE'S UGLY BUT SHE TURNS ME ON, YEAH!
She's got a bush like an oven cuz it bakes alot of bread
But she lets me take my cock and wack it on her head
Some would say that I'm sick & some would say that I'm a martyr
But the real ugly chics always try real harder
I KNOW SHE'S UGLY BUT SHE TURNS ME ON, YEAH!
I KNOW SHE'S UGLY BUT SHE TURNS ME ON, YEAH!
I KNOW SHE'S UGLY BUT SHE TURNS ME ON, YEAH!
I KNOW SHE'S UGLY BUT SHE TURNS ME ON, YEAH!
Ugly's just a state of mind
Cuz you don't see her face when you're fuckin' her from behind!
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7. INTO ME (music & lyrics: Craig)
I like her, & she likes me, but I like her more & more each day
I don't know, if she knows I like her in this way
"I don't think she likes you!" But I call her all the time.
"I don't think she likes you!" But she tells me I'm a real nice guy.
I want her but I don't know if she wants me
She doesn't really seem to be into me
I think we were meant to be, does she not see what I see
Why isn't she into me
I told her, that I must tell her these words I need to say
I think, that she thinks I'm going to tell her that "I'm gay!"
"I don't think she likes you!" But I always act so cool.
"I don't think she likes you!" I just don't know what to do.
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8. TOAST SWEAT (lyrics: Mark / music: Craig, Mike)
Toast sweat on the countertop, Toast sweat on the sand
Toast sweat on the clouds above, Toast sweat on my hands
Lookin' fallin' sighin' cryin' longin' yearnin' lovin' dyin'
Eatin' smokin' drinkin' peein' guessin' thinkin' you-n-me-n
Fluffin' foldin' (repeat fluffin') messin' and-a cleanin' up-n
Listenin' singin' pettin' viewin' pickin' scratchin' of course chewin'
Brushin' brushin' shavin' shavin' wipin' wipin' masturbatin'
Dialin' clickin' flippin' weepin' tossin' turnin' never sleepin'
Toast sweat on the countertop, Toast sweat on the sand
Toast sweat on the clouds above, Toast sweat on my hands
Wonderin' workin' writin' doin' stressin' and still me-n-you-n
Stonin' burnin' laughin' hurtin' happy sometimes not real certain
Coughin' blinkin' crappin' nursin' one more verse-n still no cursin'
Readin' clippin' washin' dryin' burpin' fartin' gettin' high-n
Junkin' chompin' munchin' snackin' squattin' pushin' and-a slackin'
Havin' one line with no-n, shit...I had to put that in
Toast sweat on the countertop, Toast sweat on the sand
Toast sweat on the clouds above, Toast sweat on my hands
Toast sweat-it's the world encompassed-so insignificant
"dude, you're doin' the dew?" "dude, there's nothin' left to do."
Painting such a senseless scene, tell me what's it really mean?
Is it time to go insane or am I fuckin' with your brain?
(Toast Sweat!) It's a new sensation (Toast Sweat!) goin' cross the nation
(Toast Sweat!) it's now the choice (Toast Sweat!) of a new generation
(Toast Sweat!) It's new & improved (Toast Sweat!) half the calories
(Toast Sweat!) much bigger & better(Toast Sweat!) buy one get one free!
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9. WHAT'S SO FUNNY? (music: Craig)
(special guest gigglers: Denise Mitchell, Lisa Jacobs, Myrna Scott, Jamie Walker)
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10. I DON'T CARE (lyrics: Craig, Mark / music: Craig)
I feel I'm losing control, I feel no change is coming
I don't care, I don't care, I don't care anymore, I keep trying to tell myself
I don't care, I don't care, I don't care anymore, but I keep crawling back to you
You know I need you so bad, you make me feel like I'm crazy
I don't care, I don't care, I don't care anymore, I keep trying to tell myself
I don't care, I don't care, I don't care anymore, but I keep crawling back to you
Anything-no way man, Anyone-no way can, Anymore-no way out past impassive
I don't care-about you, I don't care-what you do, I don't care-my life story sad but true
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11. ADDICTED TO YOU (music & lyrics: Craig)
(lead vocals: Craig)
I'm really sorry, I just wanted to say, that I've been acting kinda crazy
Even though you wouldn't tell me your name, somehow I really thought you like me
I coulda sworn that you were winking at me, when I was peeking in your window
You didn't need to go & call the police, I'm not some kind of stalking weirdo
I'm just addicted to you
I'm just addicted to you
I really sorry about the dent in your car, I thought that BMW was your boyfriend's
Now you're acting like I'm going too far, but I know you don't really like him
I didn't mean to scare the sh*t out of you when I just showed up on your balcony
I thought just like the girl in the Jim Morrison film, you'd be impressed & fall in love with me
I don't really understand what you are sayin'
I'm so confused by all the little games you're playin'
I'm getting pretty f**kin' sick of you pretendin'
You keep pretendin' our relationship is endin'
Guess I forgot to t-t-take my medication
Makes it hard to analyze the situation
I guess my social sk- my social sk-s are lackin'
I hope this justifies the way that I've been actin' like a dick...to you
How come you didn't call me Valentine's Day, when I gave you 1,000 roses?
Now you're acting like I'm some kind of freak, like I'm obsessive & compulsive
I guess I'm not the best at breaking the ice, but maybe once you get to know me
You'll see I'm really just one hell-of-a-guy, I'm just misunderstood and maybe kinda lonely
I'm really sorry about the things that I've said, somebody said you said you wish I was dead
I'm really sorry about the things that I've done, the Psychic Hotline told me you were the one for me
None of my friends are single, they've got it made, their girlfriends cook for them & then they get laid...
but I just...
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12. PSYCHO CHIX (lyrics: Mark / music: Craig, Mike)
(guest rapper: Diana Madrid "I'm sick, I'm crazy, I'm going nuts!")
Not long ago I knew this to be
Well-adjusted normal girls they don't do nothin' for me
They're nice, polite, & they always think twice
But when it comes to ballahalli they lack a certain spice
It's true for me but maybe not for you
A realistic down to earth girl makes my balls blue
So I'm guessin' that I'm destined for a life of hell
Livin' with a manic psychopath that fucks me well
Psycho Chix fuck me right----
Psycho Chix they fuck me right, they've got an edge from their plight
They do it all they love submission, they fuck you with no inhibitions
Another girl, hey man that's cool, she'll fuck her while she fucks you, too
She'll break the norm from the word go, that fuckin' girl's PSYCHO!!!
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13. T.V. TALKSHOW THERAPY (lyrics: Mark, Mike/ music: Craig, Mike)
I'm sad I'm glad, I'm happy I'm mad, I look like a woman, but I'm really a man
I'm fat I'm thin, I'm fat again, my wife cheated on me so I slept with her friend
I'm black I'm white, I hate my life, I lost my dog to a transvestite
I'm so alone, it's plain to see, there must be someone else like me
I need some help from my T.V., I need some talkshow therapy
I'll scream & cheer, "they're just like me", My T.V. Talkshow Therapy
Go Ricky! Oprah, Richard Bey! Can you believe that guy is gay?
It's Sally Jessy, Donahue, if she did that, I'd shoot her, too
Montel Williams, Jenny Jones, with homeless guys who now have homes
It's Geraldo, Jerry Springer, that chick cut off his dingalinger
I'll get some help from my T.V., I'll get some talkshow therapy
I'll scream & cheer, "he's just like me", My T.V. Talkshow Therapy - it's free
My T.V. now is my best friend, the stream of insight never ends
I ponder endlessly "who won?" Then study clues in the re-runs
I used to wander all alone, but now I'm happy in my home
There are so many just like me, I love my talkshow therapy
I got some help from my T.V., I got some talkshow therapy
I scream, I cheer, "he's just like me" I love my talkshow therapy
There's just so much to choose from, if I change the channel, I might just lose one
They all say the same things, but at different times, so if I watch Talk Soup, I'll be just fine
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14. PRESIDENT (lyrics: Mark / music: Craig)
I wish my President smoked pot
But not like me, which might be deemed alot
But enough to say, if drink's ok,
Then puffin' herb should not cause me to rot in jail...
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15. I'M NOT GOING TO JAIL TODAY (music & lyrics: Craig)
(spoken verses are taken directly from a recorded phone conversation immediately following Mark's release
from the Orange County Jail...sad to say, he did end up going back to jail on the same petty charges, and
his visit in his own words was "10 times worse," but, unfortunately, he called me at work to tell me about
the experience, and I was capable of recording the call there!)
I'm not going to jail today, I went there yesterday & I don't like it
"Look, I haven't slept in 36 hours. It's 50 fuckin' degrees in here.
I've had a government cheese sammich to eat in the last fucking day
I'm in here with fuckin' career criminals, guys that kill people,
Fuckin' crackheads, pukin'-ass drunks, & I haven't paid traffic tickets!
That's why! Don't you think you'd be fuckin' freakin' out, too?"
---"Well, that's nothing to do with me..." I'm like "Bullshit! You're the
fuckin' psychiatrist, I'm losing my mind... Do something about it!"
"What the fuck! I didn't pay traffic tickets! & I was just like loonin' out,
And they let me go right after that, & I thought that's why they let me go!
They didn't tell me anyone bailed me out, they just said, 'you're released,'
& I figured I fuckin' tweaked out too hard & they didn't know what to do.
It was fucked..,god, I'm never, ever goin' back again...man, it was hell,
It was fuckin'...I don't know how any...I...That is not the place Mark wants to ever go again!
I'm not going to jail to... (fuck...no I don't wanna keep it, I don't like it!
That was too unnatural. Stop. Back it up, please)...[mark wanted to record that line over]
--"I was just in hell!" --"It was so bad, dude, it was so bad!"
--"They're such dicks! They're such dicks!"
--"And you get up the next day anyway with no charges & they'll still treat you
like you're a piece of shit animal the whole time. Fuckin' kickin' me when I'm
fuckin' fallin' asleep & shit. I'm never, ever goin' back there...fuckin' assholes!"
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16. HEY, BABY (lyrics: Craig, Mark / music: Craig)
Hey, Baby! How are ya? Wow, it's great to finally find somebody who sees things exactly the same way as I do..
You know, you're perfect in every way. You're beautiful, you're intelligent, you've got a great sense of humor, and...I don't know...
Hey! Where ya goin'? What do you mean it's over? This was gonna be forever. We were meant to be.
I wanted to marry you and have kids and live happily ever after in a white house & a picket fence.
What will I ever do without you? I'll never be able to love again...
Oh, hey baby! Ya know, I think we're perfect for each other. I can't believe with all these people here you & I found each other.
No, no, I'm single...well, my last girlfriend just wasn't meant to be. I could tell something was missing but ya know with you...
I can see forever in your eyes. Was your father a thief? Cuz he stole the moon & the stars and placed them right in your eyes...
What's wrong? I don't understand...why are you leaving?
I've given all my love to you and this is the way you treat me?
No, no, I can change, I swear I can change. I can be whatever you need. Please, give me another chance.
C'mon, I got a tattoo with your name on it...please come back...
Hello, baby! Where you been all my life? I've been looking for love in all the wrong places I can see now that I've met you.
Oh, no, no, here, let me get that for you. Can I get you a drink? I get 'em free cuz this is my place. No, no attachments right now.
Well, my last girlfriend, she had problems. I felt so bad having to leave her, but it just wasn't meant to be, but with you...
I don't know...I feel a connection immediately, like we were meant to be...
No, no, don't go, please! You bitch! W-w-wait, I didn't mean that, I'm just confused.
It's my abandonment issues, but I think I'm over that part of my life now, it'll be different this time.
Here, I bought you a rose, that means I really love you...you & no one else.
I'll never meet anyone who makes me feel the way you do...Hey, Baby!...
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17. I'M NOT DEPRESSED (lyrics: Mike, Craig, Mark / music: Craig)
Elvis lives, but Jesus is dead
Gonna beat my wife, maybe shave my head
Shoot my boss, ain't got nothin' to lose
Just to see my face on the evening news
I may be crazy, & I may be stressed, I may be lazy, but I'M NOT DEPRESSED!
The whole world sucks, I've been here too long,
Think I'll sue God, he started it all
Politically correct you can suck my dick
I ain't into all that shit
I may be crazy, & I may be stressed, I may be lazy, but I'M NOT DEPRESSED!
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18. THE GREATEST FISHERMAN (music & lyrics: Craig)
I'm playing with myself as I think of you,
I know it isn't right, but it helps me make it through each night
Knowing I should never even think of you but I do... when...
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19. FUCKIN' HILARIOUS (music: Craig)
Special guest callers:
Denise Mitchell: "Craig? Where are you? Maybe you can't hear me.
Maybe you're recording in your little dungeon there."
George Fortune: "Fuckin' hilarious!"
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20. NYC (lyrics: Mark / music: Mark, Craig)
Touched down in the great big apple as the sky was runnin' outta blue
Feelin' just a bit apprehensive after hearin' all the things they could do to you
So I got a ride down to a place near China Town north of Little Italy
Saw some friends that I had, tossed some eggs at a cab from the roof
There was so much to see
Next day, took a walk thru Soho, saw the village & Washington Square
Got some candy on a rope, people tried to sell me dope
Then I talked to a chic with antennas in her hair
Took a walk to the sea, saw me Lady Liberty, stole an ashtray from a local cafe
Then the sun came about & a rollerblader wiped out
It was gonna be a real New York day
Then before my eyes, it came as some surprise
I was kicked out of a Vietnamese restaurant by an Asian transvestite waiter
For smokin' dope after eatin' paella, sounds funny but ya don't know what to do...
When an angry transvestite comes runnin' after you
Woke up, it was Ole Glory's birthday took a cab to the East River Way
I was feelin' kinda high, saw some fire in the sky
Then some bi-chic on the tram goosed my buddy's fiance
Folks were cheerin' as we flew over 2nd Avenue
Then we stepped into a pub to catch some blues
No one ever caused a fuss, cops they never looked at us
Even when I ran 'round barkin' at a double-decker bus
Hopped on the Blue Line took the C-train & it let me out in Central Park
Folks & dogs on the grass, talked to John, had a laugh
Then I headed out to Chelsea it was getting kinda dark
Looked for Sid & Nancy but there was so much more to see
So I just sat back & let them pass
Then I started headin' back when some guy yelled at me "FAG!"
When I turned it was he that was lookin' at my ass
With little money left among us, we ate a little fungus
and headed out to Brooklyn for some tunes to fill the gap
We were laughin' for an hour cuz this chic's little chiuaua
Began spinnin' bitin' madly like a demon on my lap
Time low, so we left for Coney Island off to see the sideshows full of freaks & geeks
Got some ice cream on a stick, then I noticed real quick
There was no need for a sideshow just a walk along the street
Then a guy shot a gun & everyone began to run So we headed to the F-train to flee
Then the shooter & his crew hopped aboard the subway, too
Then I saw it on the news, interactive T.V.
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21. YVES' SONG (lyrics: Mark, Mike / music: Mike, Craig)
Memories like photographs, some paper, some so real
A small attempt to let you know the way I really feel
To understand, to question why, the answers never known
The warmest heart, the brightest light
A star that can't be shown, so very far from home
Severin's Fortune waits for you, the time has come to fly
Even though you found your peace, it's hard to say goodbye
With so much time to be apart, & still your laugh refrains
With anything I'd surely part to hear it once again
To understand, to question why, the answers never known
The warmest heart, the brightest light
A star that can't be shown, so very far from home
Severin's Fortune waits for you, the time has come to fly
Even though you found your peace, it's hard to say goodbye
Mon pot, Yves, je'temme, au revoir.